I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
