My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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