i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
