i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
