These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize