Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
