he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
