Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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