I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
