shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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