I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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