He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
