It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
