you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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