I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
