i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
