He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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