I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize