I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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