Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize