all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
