dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
