I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
