a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
