you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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