in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
