Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
