I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
