everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
