Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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