I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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