I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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