Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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