I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
