Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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