I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
