Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
everyone is single if you try hard enough
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
