If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
