you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
