we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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