What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He better not be in your backpack
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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