You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Randomize
