she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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