watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
