Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I would fuck him just for his dog
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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