I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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