And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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