Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
