I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
