She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
