I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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