I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
