just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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