the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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