well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
