Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
