the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
