I want to make a zoo with you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
