If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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