Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you still have your period?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
