I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize