she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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