Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
