ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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