So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
