my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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