he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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