I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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