I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
