Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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