i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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