found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The air was thick with penises
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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