even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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