I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize