either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
