I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
