if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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