): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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