the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
