Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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