I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
