I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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