I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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