I cannot find my penis.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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