On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
