this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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