Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
