I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
