I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
