she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
