I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize