GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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