I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
