Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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