You can't motorboat a personality
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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