Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
soo... how was my night?
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