The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
