I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
