woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
