I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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