2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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