I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
